I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
