WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
