How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
