You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
