did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
