speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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