well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
