At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
