At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
