but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I love you. Go after that dick
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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