Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
