My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm passing your future prison.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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