I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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