I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
