you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
