Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
