if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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