I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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