the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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