I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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