Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
