just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i already hear my dad disowning me
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
