....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
It's just like the Real World with babies
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
