threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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