the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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