Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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