Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
