Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
