your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
