so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
