i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
