I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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