Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
