She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
