Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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