I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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