I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
