Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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