It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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