the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
