im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
