4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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