I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
