I'm so fucking centered right now
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
