All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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