I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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