Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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