just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
