One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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