you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
