Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
