I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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