Betty ford says i'm here all night
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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