The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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