i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
