I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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