I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
