Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
