Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
