hell yes lets make some ravioli
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
