I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
