i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
