Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
