i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
