Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
