I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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